Shapeshifter

...the feeling, the one thing.

There’s a line in Lorde’s Shapeshifter that strikes my whole being every time it comes on. It feels as if someone plucked a chord that reverberates through me, leaving me vibrating in harmony with it. When she begins to sing, ‘But tonight I just wanna fall,’ I start to dive along with her—and nothing feels more like me than that moment.

Although the song might not reflect what’s currently happening in my life—and I don’t necessarily relate to most of its lyrics—the vulnerability and surrender that Lorde proclaims in it drives the song’s emotional weight and draws me in with an unexplained force. Each time I put it on, I wait in anticipation for that line to appear—and for it to carry me away with it. That moment, that feeling, is what makes the whole song an experience.

It’s what makes me feel alive.

The feeling—the one thing—seems to be the key to how I’ve been living lately, and the way I get dressed every day is no exception.

Summertime fashion isn’t my favourite season simply because:

• knitwear and outerwear are my most beloved pieces—and they’re not really suited for hot weather;

• summer clothing often means prints, which isn’t what I’m currently vibing with;

• the quality of summer pieces seems to be declining—I don’t feel like wearing semi-sheer linen items, nor do I want to pay hundreds of pounds for pieces with linings added to those same semi-sheer fabrics;

• the good stuff does exist, but it’s too pricey to invest in when we only get hot weather for a fraction of the year;

• unfortunately, I’m one of those people who produce buckets of sweat in the summer, and anything not covered in print often lacks the texture to hide the wet patches under my boobs in particular. Fitted pieces – out, cotton poplin dresses, shorts, tops – out (my biggest foe, to be found everywhere!). So…I’m left with super boring items of clothing that don’t exactly scream “me” but are functional given the circumstances (and we shall look at those boring pieces in today’s sending).

• finally, I have rather fussy feet, and all types of sandals just kill them—even though they might have been broken in two thousand times over.

  
  

After this confession, you might assume that I leave the house every day feeling rather horrendous and creatively unfulfilled. Well, sometimes I do—but more often than not, I step onto London’s streets feeling rather good.

And that brings us back to Lorde and her Shapeshifter.

To the feeling.

To the one thing.

We all have some sort of relationship with getting dressed – and that relationship is going to be unique to each person – together with its level of intensity, importance and effect it has on our lives. Whatever it is or however it expresses itself, it is going to evoke some sort of feeling – whether a temporary one expressed with one thought ‘okay’ or a lasting one that follows you everywhere you go. Since fashion is still considered a vain activity and few openly acknowledge its psychological power, the ‘feeling’ that comes with it is often trivialised or not even noticed. But it is always there—and it’s this emotion I want us to pay close attention to today.

Here’s the thing: I don’t like wearing basic clothes. I wear them all the time—for work, for comfort, or simply because I don’t have many other options. But in my mind, I’m a maximalist. How do I connect what I am internally (a fashion magpie) with my external circumstances (what I own, can afford and my lifestyle) and the feeling that I am after (fulfilled, genuine)? I am carried away by Lorde’s voice – we are free-falling into the summer everyone – we are surrendering to the limits, to the heat, to the sweat, to the plainness, to the boredom, and the sameness…and we are becoming.

What do I mean by all of this?

Here are some recent purchases and staples from my summer wardrobe:

As you can see, there’s nothing wrong with these items. They’re practical, easy to mix and match, classic summer pieces. Neutral, versatile, reliable.

But they don’t give me the feeling I’m after.In fact, they do carry a feeling—it’s just not the one I want.They scream blah, while I’m aiming for “oh yeah!”

And here the whole idea of surrender comes into the picture. Instead of feeling insecure about the way I look; instead of giving in to the pressure of trying to appear cool or even fashionable, instead of feeling like I am wearing a costume —I just let all that go.

So yes, I put on the long denim shorts and a Uniqlo T-shirt. And yes, I see how unflattering it might look on me—how my waist just vanishes, and how, maybe, just maybe, I resemble a 30-year-old (okay, almost 40—let’s be real) dressed as a Gen Z-er. Haha.

BUT then I slip on a pair of mesh, sparkle ballet flats, and suddenly, the whole shebang becomes just fun. It becomes me.

It has the right feeling.

It has the one thing.

And with that - I am ready.

The rings I wear every day, the Etsy carnelian necklace that I love, the sparkle - they all make the outfit more me, even though it is very basic and not groundbreaking.

Now, let’s surrender together—into the outfits that have carried me through the heat, the sameness, and into the feeling.

I wore this to a birthday party—simple ingredients, but all about the texture: mesh, silk, canvas, and of course, sparkle—courtesy of the secondhand cardigan (Georges Rech—does anyone remember that brand?).

Two different takes on the same base - again, texture makes all the difference + a dash of colour never hurts.

Here’s an example of how I take an outfit from day to night. I was heading out after work, so I wore my jersey maxi dress with a lace insert (not too different from the one above). To tone it down for the day, I added a white work bag—which I could easily tuck away later. And of course, the sparkle made an appearance again—for the one thing.

Some days, just putting on my beloved rings is enough. I might not look like the person I’m aspiring to be, but catching a little glimpse of them throughout the day makes me feel more like myself.

On the topic of shoes — I discovered that my aforementioned fussy feet do not suffer from mesh, and this is the second summer I’ve been living in mesh flats that are surprisingly durable and so, so comfortable.

BONUS: I recently got this vintage Escada blazer — all silk and sequins — to further spice up my neutral clothing palette.

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We all have the power to shapeshift into anything we wish to be. Sometimes the process requires careful planning, time, endurance, money, and a lot of courage. We can also shapeshift on a seemingly micro level – where the external only changes lightly but the internal becomes something new - a fully transformed beast – unstoppable, here to spread joy. The trigger does not have to be grand – a pair of sparkly shoes, a favourite jewellery piece, a scarf that used to belong to your mum.

Some days it can happen easily. Other days, not at all. When it does; however, it gives you that extra dose of feeling alive. It grounds you in the present moment that is so vibrant with colour, texture and sound.

Surrendering takes courage, yes—but it’s a small price to pay for something so indescribably expansive.

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